I wake up with a start. I cannot breathe, and my eyes are burning. "What is going on?" I hit the floor running, and I thought to myself, "if I am going to live through whatever this is I better get out of the building." Out the door I run and down the hall. As I head to the stairs I notice that the fumes are significantly worse, I am having trouble seeing and my throat and lungs are burning. Frantically, I turn the corner and head down the stairs. The fumes have pooled at the bottom of the stairs and the air is unbreathable. I burst through the door at the bottom of the stairs expecting to find unspeakable carnage, twisted metal of an overturned semi-trailer spewing unspeakable toxins, killing all in its path. I land on my hands and knees gasping for one final breath of air. Then nothing. Inside total mayhem, outside nothing. People walking up and down the street, walking their dogs, minding their own business; well, except for the crazy man on his hands and knees crying and gasping for air. Where was the chemical spill? Didn't these people realize that Dinkytown was in eminent peril?! Then I began to realize that these people were not in peril, in fact, neither was I. What was going on? Now, I know I have plenty of character flaws and aspects of myself that I am not proud of, but the first thing I thought of during this near death experience was to go back into the building and save the neighbors. I took a couple big gulps of air and fearlessly headed back into the building. I bound up the stairs turned left into the wall of ammonia fumes that nearly brought me to my knees. I look through my tears to see that the neighbor's door was open. Slowly I make my way down the hall. Should I save them myself, or go back and call for help. My unflappable character goads me to press on. I dramatically make my entrance into their apartment, only to find one of my neighbor's, with cigarette hanging from his mouth chipping ice out his icebox. I attempt to to yell at him to leave the building. He just waved me off and kept chipping away at the ice. Now you have to understand that I am dying at this point the fumes are so bad. He, on the other hand, continued to chip away even though a steady gaseous stream of foul hideousness continued to pour from his refrigerator. It turns out that my rocket scientist neighbor punched a hole into the cooler core of his freezer. The concoction of ammonia and Freon had created a Venus like atmosphere in our upstairs apartment paradise. Tired of arguing and breathing foul fumes, I left him to his chipping, went to my room, opened the windows, and left for work early. Just another day in Dinkytown.....